The form of meditation that I practice most often is a Buddhist practice called Maitri, or loving kindness towards oneself. While I have tried for years to cultivate a consistent meditation practice, I have never been able to get past the first few weeks when the clock seems to be moving infinitely slow and my thoughts seems to be moving unbelievably fast. I am a perfectionist and if I cannot master something in a certain amount of time, or at least be able to see some progress, I am good at giving up on it. The difference now is that I am able to see all of myself with absolute love and acceptance. All of it, including the frustration, is a part of the practice. There is no end goal, there is no where to get to. The purpose of my sitting practice is simply to see myself with curiosity, clearly and lovingly. So all of it counts as progress.

I think Pema explained it best – “when people start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, they often think that somehow they’re going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are” (Chödrön, 1991, p. 3). This was how I had approached meditation every other time in my life, with disappointing results. “But loving kindness – maitri – toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything. […] The point is not to try to change ourselves. Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already” (Chödrön, 1991, p. 4).

Practicing loving-kindness toward myself has helped me be better able to extend it to others. I am slower to judge and instead practice seeing people compassionately as whole human beings on the same journey that I am – which is essential as a therapist. It goes right along with looking for a client’s History of Sanity. Instead of only seeing the unhealthy behavior that has brought them to therapy, we can acknowledge the wisdom in their behavior that may at one time have served them. This involves a level of compassion that I must first practice extending to myself.